


Smoke and Rubble

by quinnovative



Series: Maggie Big-Sistering Kara [4]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Alex Danvers, Hurt/Comfort, Self harm is discussed/considered, TW: Self Harm, big sister Maggie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-17 02:58:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10584996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quinnovative/pseuds/quinnovative
Summary: Kara is struggling with things, Maggie and Alex have her back.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter deals with self harm. Please, please don't read it if it's going to put you in a bad place.
> 
> I received this prompt and hoped to handle a very serious concept respectfully.

 

“Alex,” Kara screams, rushing over through smoke and rubble to reach her sister where med agents had gathered. Her heart is racing, breath on the edge of hyperventilation. This is her fault, if she hadn’t been so caught up with the first alien, she would have noticed the second appearing. She would have been able to stop it before its scaly hands curled around Alex and threw her across the street. She would have noticed, before this moment, before minutes had passed with Alex lying on the verge on unconsciousness in the middle of the pavement, curled tightly in pain.

She would have been there. But she wasn’t, and it hurts like there is fire inside her, scorching her heart.

 _Alex, Alex, Alex._ She needs to get to Alex.

“Alex!” she yells again, but the scene is too loud and more medics are crowding around.

This is why Alex had made the comment weeks ago, about Kara choosing the Danvers family or not, like she wasn’t a part of it. This is why some distance has wedged its way between them, sent Kara slipping away.

She doesn’t hear Alex calling her name, as tears streak Kara’s cheek. The blonde is already limping away, back turned, body bruised from the blows it’d received during the fight.

 Bad things happen when she’s around.

She needs to get out.

“Hey, you need to go over there,” a medic says, Kara doesn’t realize he’s pointing to a DEO ambulance suited specifically for her, all she notes is that he’s directing her away from Alex.

Like people should.

She takes to the skies on wobbly legs, even though she knows she shouldn’t, even though it hurts.

Her lungs are screaming.

She finds that she doesn’t really care.

The pain feels justified.

She hiccups as the sobs come faster and the streets below her blur.

On the scene, Alex keeps calling to her and when she sees Supergirl shoot above the smoke, flying with an instability that crosses the line into dangerous, she jerks out of the medics’ grasps, makes a move to stand even through her body aches in protest.

“You need to stay put, Agent Danvers,” a doctor says. “We don’t know if anything’s broken yet and that gash on your side is definitely going to need stitches.”

“What I _need_ is to see my sister,” she practically growls, shakes off the hand of the next person who touches her.

“Uhh, detective?” Another doctor says and looks toward Maggie, has observed the pair enough at different crime scenes to know that Maggie is one of the only people Alex will actually listen to.

Maggie turns around from where she’d been on her phone, trying to reach Kara per Alex’s request.

“Hmm?” she murmurs, eyes shifting to catch the sight of Alex struggling against the doctors, trying to get off the stretcher.

“Okay, seriously, Alex, you need to stay put,” Maggie says as she walks over.

“But Maggie, Kara—“

“Listen, I’ll go after her, you stay here and get the treatment you need. We’ll all meet up for movie night in like an hour and it’ll all be good.”

Alex shakes her head. “Something’s not right, Maggie.”

“Hey, nothing we can’t fix.” Maggie notices the tenseness in Alex’s body, knows her worry runs deep. So she takes Alex’s hand in her own and uses her free fingers to brush some of Alex’s bloodied hair from her forehead. “I’ll go take care of her. You let yourself get intact again and come meet us wherever we are if you’re feeling up to it, sound okay?”

/

“Kara,” Maggie calls out from the other side of the door when she realizes it’s not closed. Instead, the door is cracked open, the frame crumpled and crushed in the shape of fingertips. She presses the door open further—muscles taut, eyes sweeping the room for any indication of a threat.

“Kara!” Maggie drops her gun onto the counter, rushes to Kara’s hunches form, sees a sick green glow emanating from some source out of Maggie’s sight.

Kara’s hollow sobs are suddenly the only sound Maggie can process. Her heart drops in her chest as she sees Kara running her finger over the edge of the green rock, twisting it around in her hands as she sways and presses harder, harder, harder.

Her skin threatens to split when Maggie can’t stop herself from gasping. “Kara, what are you doing? Why do you have that?”

The blonde freezes, hand still curled around the rock cutting into the palm of her hand as she grips it in shock. “I don’t know,” she lets out in a watery murmur wedged between two heavy sobs. She drags a tight fist across her cheeks, managing to pull it away from the kryptonite and shoves away the tear that continue to stream down her face. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“Come here,” Maggie says softly, opening her arms and Kara lunges forward to Maggie’s grasp, stays there sobbing and shaking.

“Pl-please don’t hate me,” Kara whispers between cries. “I don’ know wh-what I would do if you or Alex thought about me any differently.”

Maggie leans out of Kara’s grip just enough to look her in the eyes. Maggie wipes tears off Kara’s cheeks, brushes hair away from her face with such gentleness that Kara almost dissolves into sobs again.

“Kara, we love you. We love you _so_ much.”

Maggie tugs her closer, holds Kara’s quivering frame, runs a hand over the Kryptonian’s blonde hair. “It’s okay, Kar. You’re going to be okay.”

They stay like that for a while, until Kara’s tears quiet and her lungs stop screaming for air. She sways, still fighting nausea and dizziness from the green kryptonite tight in her hand. She squeezes her eyes closed, raises her free palm up to her forehead, and it’s then that Maggie’s concern shifts just enough for her to become acutely aware of the heat radiating from Kara’s hand still looped behind the detective’s back. She takes Kara’s wrist gently in her grasp, pulls it between them where she can see it.

“Kara, you should let go. Please don’t do this to yourself.”

“I can’t,” she breathes out, her lips tremble a little as she talks and Maggie’s afraid she’s going to cry again.

“How about I help you, okay?” Maggie says, her words are practiced and calm, and they pull the faintest of nods from the blonde standing in front of her. So Maggie moves her hand from Kara’s wrist to her palm, until their fingers are pressed together, and the detective can feel Kara’s fingers vibrate in weakness under the kryptonite; and Maggie doesn’t have to go any further because Kara releases her grasp and it sends the mineral clattering against the ground.

Kara’s hand seeks out Maggie’s to fill the empty space in her palm, so they curl their fingers together and Kara squeezes tightly. There’s so much she’s hanging on for.

Her limbs feel heavy, her stomach hurts and her head is reeling. It only takes another second of kryptonite exposure before she’s stumbling forward, hand slipping from Maggie’s.

“Hey, how about we sit down? Right over here,” Maggie says as she leads Kara to the couch and eases her down. “There we go. You just hang tight for a second.”

She puts the kryptonite in the lead box on the counter where it must have come from and notes the DEO label across the top. She wonders if Kara had stopped there on the way over, or if it’s been sitting in her apartment for days.

Maggie comes back to Kara a minute later and presses a glass of water into the younger woman’s hands as she scans her for injuries, but it looks like she’s already healing well with the kryptonite secured and away.

“I’m going to call Alex, okay?”

“No!” Kara yelps suddenly, posture straightening. “No,” she says again with more control. “She can’t know what I was about to do… what I _was_ doing _._ I don’t want to disappoint or worry her.”

“No, Kar, Alex wouldn’t ever be disappointed in you. She’s your big sister. She loves you and she’s always going to worry about you, no matter what. Just like you always worry about her, too.”

Kara shakes her head, sinks back into the couch. “Please don’t call her.”

“Okay, I’m not going to do anything you don’t want, Little Danvers.” Maggie slides her phone back into her pocket. “You feeling any better?”

Kara nods, fingers twisting around the edge of the blanket Maggie had set in her lap when they’d first reached the couch.

“So, you wanna tell me what’s going on?” Maggie asks gently as she takes a seat on the couch, leaves some distance between her and Kara—giving the younger woman control. “No stress if you don’t want to, but just know that I’m always here to listen. Alex, too, of course.”

“It’s too much,” Kara says and dips her gaze back to the ground, fingers curling together so tightly the skin at her knuckles turns paler than the rest of her already exhausted and strained body. “It just—I… everything is changing and e-everyone is changing and all I do is hurt people.”

She chokes on a sob gathered in her throat and refuses to let it fall, and her whole body shakes and her breath is coming faster again and her lungs shriek for air.

“Kara,” Maggie interjects, lays a hand on Kara’s shoulder. “Breath, sweetie.” There’s so much more she wants to say. Wants to tell Kara that she saves more people than she could ever hurt, that she is loved, and that they will always, _always,_ have her back.

But right now, more than anything, Kara needs someone to listen.

“I jus-just want to disappear. I want all of this to be over. Some-something’s got to change. I can’t, I can’t keep going like this, I _can’t.”_

“You don’t have to,” Maggie says. “We’re going to help you, we’ll do whatever it takes.”

Kara shakes her head and little tear droplets paint the couch.

“It’ll all be okay.”

“Well it doesn’t feel like it!” Kara yells and shoves herself off the couch, wobbling as she does so. “It doesn’t feel like anything is going to be right again, Maggie. That’s the _problem_ ,” she screams and reaches toward the coffee table to steady herself, drops into a crouched position, head falling into her hands.

“Okay,” Maggie says and sits crisscross beside her, back pressed against the couch. They stay like that in silence, with quiet tears streaming down Kara’s cheeks and wracking her body. A few minutes pass before Kara raises her head, wiping her eyes and looking over at Maggie.

“I’m sorry,” Kara whispers in a raspy, quivering voice.

“There’s nothing to worry about, Little Danvers.”

Kara nods and looks down again. “Can you actually—do you think you could…”

“Call Alex?” Maggie asks and Kara nods.

“If you think it won’t b-bother her?”

“Kara, I don’t think you ever bother Alex. Except maybe when you take the last slice of pizza,” she teases and it pulls a little smile across Kara’s face. Right now, it feels like the biggest victory in the history of the world to Maggie as she passes the phone to Kara. “You should be honest with how you’re feeling. She’s only going to want to help.”

Kara nods, because she knows it’s true even if it’s difficult, even if there’s been distance between them even since Alex’s comment about being part of the family, when Jerimiah returned.

The agent picks up on the third ring and her voice alone is enough to jar Kara’s heart as it carries through the line saying “Hey Maggie, is she okay?”

“It’s me, actually,” Kara says with a sniffle.

“Oh, Kara.” The blonde practically feels Alex’s sigh of relief through the phone. “I was so worried.”

“You’re the one that got hurt,” Kara says. “It was my fault.”

“No way, Kar. It absolutely wasn’t your fault and it absolutely wasn’t a big deal. I’ve already been stitched and wrapped up. I’m fine, how are you?”

“I’m…”

There’s a pause and she’s about to fill the silence with lies about how okay and how fine she is, when Kara fields a glance at Maggie and receives a small nod and warm smile of encouragement.

“I’m not doing so well, Alex.”

“What’s wrong? You can always come to me, you know that.”

“I don’t want to hurt you or take anything else f-from you.”

“Kara, you give me so much more than anything you think you’ve ever taken. You can tell me anything.”

“I don’t want you to see me any differently,” Kara says and her voice cracks and Maggie’s hand gently squeezes Kara’s.

“I would never,” Alex says.

“Can you…” She takes a deep brath. “Can you please come over? I just really need you.”

“Of course,” Alex says and Kara can hear Alex pulling on her leather jacket. “I’m on my way right now. I’ll be there in less than twenty.”

/

“I did something bad,” Kara says immediately when Alex walks it, afraid that if she doesn’t lunge directly into this conversation she’ll never actually get to it.

“Okay,” the brunette says, shifting her gaze to Maggie for any clues as to what Kara’s talking about, but she gets nothing except concern from the look spread across Maggie’s features. “What did you do?”

“I tried to hurt myself,” Kara says, adding more quietly, “on purpose.”

“Oh, God.” Alex says, one hand coming to grip a bundle of her short hair, as she closes her eyes, shoulders sagging. She’s flooded with questions and concern rising in her chest. “ _Kara.”_

Kara’s face falls and she’s instantly hit with regret like a fist in her stomach, she never should have said anything. She should have kept to herself. Kept quiet, kept shut away. “I shouldn’t have told you,” Kara says after a beat of silence. She pushes off the couch again, Alex’s eyes snap open. “I knew you’d react like this. I know you’d be angry with me and disappointed and—“

“What? Kara, no.” She’ reaches out to her sister mid-pace, places a hand on her arm. “I’m none of those things. I’m just worried, and sad that you felt so bad, especially without me noticing.”

“You don’t think I’m screwed up?”

Alex captures Kara in a hug, pulls her close and whispers in Kara’s hair as she feels the blonde relax into her touch. “I do not. I think you’re my sister, and I think you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. And I know that I will always be with you.”

“Even when things are messy and hard?”

“ _Especially_ when things are messy and hard,” Alex promises and Kara wraps her arms around her sister, finally returning the hug. Over the blonde’s tight shoulder, Alex catches Maggie’s eyes, mouths her thanks that Maggie had been there.

“We’re in this together, okay?” Alex says. “And I don’t want you to ever forget that I’m your big sister, and I love you more than anything, and you are not alone even when it feels like it. You got that?”

Kara nods, buries her head into Alex’s shoulder. “I love you,” the blonde whispers.

“I love you, too,” Alex whispers and presses a kiss to the top of Kara’s head.

The Kryptonian breathes deeply, warmth spreading through her core as she’s engulfed by her sister’s presence, she stays like that for a moment before reaching a hand out in the direction of the detective. “Maggie?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you for pulling me out of that earlier, I’m sor-“

“Hey, no more sorrys, Little Danvers,” Maggie says as she takes Kara’s hand, lets herself be pulled into the embrace and feels Alex kiss her cheek.

“Can I stay with you guys tonight? At your place?” Kara asks as they pull apart. “If you have plans or don’t want me there it’s okay, though, I’d understand.”

“Kara, you are welcome _anytime,_ all you have to do is ask and you’ve got it,” Alex says, tugging Kara into another quick half hug. “Actually, you don’t even have to ask. You can literally just show up, you’ve done it before.”

“Enter unannounced at your own risk though, Little Danvers, you might want a safe guard to make sure Alex and I aren’t, you know, _busy_ … doing stuff.” She winks at Kara, grinning up at Alex as the agent’s cheeks flush deep red at the implication of Maggie’s statement.

“Gross,” Kara whines, with a little laugh bubbling forward from her lips and making Maggie and Alex’s twin grins grow wider, the pair watching as Kara shuffles down the hall and disappears to super speed change out of her Supergirl suit.

She returns a few seconds later, to see Alex and Maggie engaged in a kiss.

“Come _on,_ I was literally gone for ten seconds. Get a room, _”_ she groans dramatically, feeling infinitely better than earlier, even though she’s exhausted in a way she’s almost never felt before.

“Can’t hear you, Kara,” Alex teases around Maggie’s lips, shifts her hand from the detective’s waist to her hips. And maybe they’re all being over the top to compensate for what had happened earlier, maybe they’re being ridiculous, but it makes Kara smile and it’s worth it, even if it means Alex has to swallow a mountain of concern, keep it deep in her chest so that she can act on it later. But right now, her biggest concern is making Kara feel okay, and reminding her little sister that nothing has changed in the ways that matter—they are still sisters, they are still best friends, and they still always have each other’s backs and that will be enough.

So, when Kara covers her eyes with a giggled “maybe I don’t want to come over tonight,” both women break apart, smiling at Kara as she peeks through her fingers before dropping her hand.

“Yes you do,” Maggie says putting her arm around Kara’s shoulder and turning her toward the door. “We’ve got movies _and_ snuggling.”

Alex nods dutifully, she nudges Kara’s elbow with her own. “And _real_ ice cream tonight.”

Kara pretends to consider staying at her own place, but she’s growing tired—eyelids drooping and mind softening—and nothing really sounds better than collapsing on the couch between Alex and Maggie and pretending like she’ll watch movies with them when she knows she’ll be passed out the second her head lolls against someone’s shoulder.

Things are far from perfect, or even really truly being okay, but there’s something to hold onto now; something warm and tangible off in the distance and filling the space surrounding her this very moment. She smiles at both of them, and it might not be as bright as it’s been before, but it’s the best it’s been in weeks, now that she and Alex are back on normal ground, and she feels closer to Maggie than ever before. So Kara tilts her head to the door, favorite blue blanket cuddled in her arms.

“Let’s go,” she says and steps forward with Alex and Maggie right behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I received a few requests for a sequel, so I wrote this.

Maggie offers to drive home, they’ll pick up her car tomorrow. Right now, the first thing on her and Alex’s mind is keeping Kara with them. So, Alex tosses Maggie the keys and rides in the back seat with Kara.

The agent climbs into the seat behind Maggie, and Kara situates herself behind the passenger seat. It only takes a look from Alex and a soft “come here” for Kara to scamper over and lean against her sister. Alex runs her fingers through blonde hair and eases out of conversation when she notices Kara’s eyes slip closed. Maggie and Alex communicate with a few looks in the rearview mirror and the rest of the car ride home is silent, save Kara’s breathing and the soft hum of the radio.

“We’re here, Kar,” Alex says, gently urging her sister up. The blonde stirs, straightening with incoherent murmurs before she lets her head fall back against Alex’s shoulder. Maggie laughs softly as she turns off the car and opens Alex’s door, observing the scene.

“Kara,” Alex singsongs and rubs the blonde’s back. “Come on, wake up.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Too bad.” Alex nudges her sister fondly, but Kara only slinks back against her.

“Kara.”

She mumbles in response.

“Little Danvers?” Maggie tries.

“Hmm”

“Wake up.”

Kara rubs her eyes, blinking slowly. “ ‘kay.”

She sits up and Alex makes a face. “Are you kidding me, right now?”

“What?” Kara asks as she follows Alex out of the car, stumbling slightly on tired limbs and rubbing her eyes with a loose fist.

“You wake up when Maggie asks, but not when I do.” She playfully bumps Kara’s shoulder as they make their way into the apartment building. “That’s rude.”

Kara shrugs and Maggie smirks on Alex’s other side, the agent sends an exaggerated glare her way. “Get that smirk off your face, Sawyer. Kara’s snuggling with me tonight.”

“Uh, I don’t know about that one,” Maggie says and looks over at Kara as she walks, blue blanket overflowing from her arms and trailing behind her. “What do you say, Little Danvers?”

“Kara in the middle,” the blonde declares. “Problem solved.”

Their teasing conversation carries them through the hall, up the elevator, and into Alex’s apartment. For a few minutes they can almost pretend like everything is normal, like there isn’t concern hiding under each laugh and joke.

But then they’re in the apartment and Kara’s seated at the island and Maggie and Alex are moving around the kitchen.

“Kara, you want some ice cream?” Alex asks. “Real deal this time.”

Kara shakes her head, feels an ache spread behind her forehead. “No thanks.”

“You sure?” Maggie asks and Kara nods. Alex doesn’t push, because she’s known Kara since she was barley a teenager, knows that when Kara’s really, _really_ upset the thought of eating makes her feel sick. It brings concern swelling back inside Alex, like a splash of ice cold water in the face.

“How about a movie?” Alex offers. “Rom coms are at your disposal.”

“Really?” Kara perks up and it’s more at the idea of being able to cuddle with Alex and Maggie, than anything else.

“Absolutely. Your choice.”

Kara purses her lips, head tilting in thought.

“Alex?”

“Hmm?” the brunette hums, turning around and sliding a glass of water to Kara.

“Instead of a rom com, can we watch Harry Potter? The first one?”

Alex smiles. “Yeah, come on,” she takes Kara’s palm in one hand, the glass in the other and moves toward the couch.

“Maggie, get over here!” Alex yells as they settle beneath Kara’s blanket. “We’re about to start.”

“Hold on,” she calls back from the agent’s bedroom.

Alex rubs Kara’s back as she sets up the movie and the blonde sinks against her. “Let me know if you get hungry, or if you need anything at all, okay?”

Kara nods and already her eyes are dripping closed, her body fighting to stay awake.

“I love you,” Alex whispers and her hand in Kara’s hair strips away some of the pain hammering in Kara’s head.

“I love you, too,” Kara says and nestles into her sister’s side as Maggie returns.

She holds a worn-out sweater in her hand, dark navy with white writing and the sight of it pulls a smile across Kara’s face.

“You looked cold, Little Danvers, and I thought you might like to see this again,” Maggie says, returning Kara’s smile as she offers the blonde Alex’s crew neck sweater from _high school,_ Midvale athletics written across the front. It had been Kara’s go-to for a while when she needed comfort, until she’d seen Maggie wearing it a few months ago and let her keep it. There was some gentle arguing that’d stretched for three days while they’d tried to give it to each other and Kara had eventually pressed until Maggie took it, but with the image of Kara in so much pain pressed into the detective’s head she’s desperate to do anything that might ease Kara’s anguish.

“Thank you,” Kara says, voice muffled by the sweater as she tugs it over her head. She looks up again, hair tousled, and pats the space beside her. “Sit with me?”

“Absolutely.”

By the end of the opening theme, Kara’s eyes have already fallen closed. She snuggles into Alex’s side, while Maggie rubs her knee and Alex plays with blonde hair, and Kara feels the grasps of consciousness loosen around her pounding head.

/

Alex’s eyes flicker from the TV screen to Kara, and back again. TV, Kara, TV, Kara. The time spent watching her sister grows longer with each interval, until Alex gives up on the movie and gives in to her worry, let’s her gaze latch onto Kara’s sleeping form. She watches the rise and fall of Kara’s abdomen beneath the arm Alex had protectively wrapped around her, feels eternally grateful for the breath that is still there—the lungs that still work, the heart that still beats.

The corners of Alex’s lips pull down.

Alex watches Kara’s exhausted body squirm and reposition itself until she’s closer to Alex and her sock clad feet are tucked beneath Maggie’s legs.

Alex’s bottom lip quivers. She bites it in a futile attempt to stop what she knows is coming.

She watches as Kara’s hand curls around her sister’s shirt in sleep.

Alex’s eyes water, her nose tingles, a lump forms in her throat.

Maggie turns down the volume on the TV.

Alex keeps her eyes on Kara.

Maggie pauses the movie.

Alex blinks, and the tears start to fall.

“Al-“ Maggie begins, stops when a sob emerges from Alex, cracks her chest and leaks into the dark emptiness of the apartment illuminated only by the soft, blue light of the television. And the stupid TV light reflects the tear tracks on Alex’s cheeks, the torrents that spill forth, make Maggie feel like a million miles away.

“What are we going to do?” Alex says and her words are watery and thick between her cries. “How can we…how do we help her?”

“Shh.” Maggie pulls Alex into her arms as best she can, with Kara still asleep between them. Alex curls into Maggie’s shoulder, drenches her shirt sleeve with tears. “I don’t know,” Maggie whispers and her hand comes up to cradle Alex’s head, grasps a bundle of her hair. “We just have to be there, Al. We just have to make sure she knows she’s not alone.”

“How did this happen?” Alex asks, tries to focus on the feeling of Maggie’s back beneath her hands as she wills herself to calm down. She needs to be strong for Kara, she cannot afford to fall apart. “How did I not know? I- god, I _hate_ myself.” Her abdomen aches at the heaving of her diaphragm with each cry, tugging at the gashes and stitches she feels like she received a lifetime ago. “I hate myself,” she repeats and Alex’s hands curl into fists, pressing so hard her skin splits as her nails dig crest shapes.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Maggie takes Alex’s hands into her own, uncoils them and massages out the tension before pressing soft kisses onto her knuckles.

Alex whimpers.

Maggie cups her face. “Listen to me, this is not your fault.”

Alex’s frame shakes as she rubs her eyes. “I have to help her. We have to try everything we can.” She pulls away and drops her gaze back down to Kara.

“We will,” Maggie promises and moonlight has filtered in through the window, mingled with the TV’s glow.

Alex presses a kiss to Kara’s forehead and takes Maggie’s hand.

Maggie squeezes lightly.

“You’re not alone in this and neither is she.”

 


End file.
